Why Did We???

I wish you’d stop. . . No, I lie! I don’t! I just wish it would stop hurting this much!!

We can’t keep doing this you know. One minute its yes… maybe, the next is NO it’s wrong.

Its false hope you are giving me and it is not fair!!

You kissed me!! You opened up the can and let all the worms, years and years of fat juicy worms.

It should have stayed there – with the kissing thing – it was a mistake. It happened in a moment of weakness, lets just get over it, move on and live with it. It was nothing really, just a kiss, just one unforgettable, incredible, heartbreaking, forever-hurting kiss. But NO!! We HAD to talk about it. There are things to be said, emotions to be considered, feelings to be aired . . . We should have just left it there – at that incredible, breathtaking, cursed kiss.

Why did we have to talk about it? Why did we bother? How would knowing everything change anything? Why didn’t you stop me from cutting open my chest and exposing my heart to you. Why didn’t you force yourself to keep all you feel to yourself, like you’ve been doing forever. Why did we have to go and talk about it???

Now we know and we can never take it back or can never be unsaid or erased or ignored or forgotten. It will always be there between us, even though no one else knows. I know. You know. We know. And we can not do anything about it. What is the use of knowing if there is nothing we can do about it…

Why did we HAVE to talk… at all…

I don’t want to know how you feel, have felt for as long as you’ve know me, you say. I don’t want to know about how if this was another universe, we would have had a chance.

Don’t you get it. This world that we’ve created; with just the two of us… it is another universe. A cruel, unforgiving, ungrateful, hurtful universe.

Don’t you dare… don’t say it… please don’t… not even in OUR universe… don’t you ever ever say it… never again

you love me…